Purses

Some days all I can accomplish is staying in bed. The inability to go to sleep and rest has seemed to catch up with me, I'm so tired all the time but some days are worse than others. The dogs understand and snuggled up close, they provide solace for me while I sleep.

I have moments of happiness, I really do. I can find joy in things. I appreciate spending time with loved ones or running into old friends. I'm not consistently sad.
I find pleasure being able to encourage others and get fired up about things I feel passionate about.
There is progress but then there are the moments that seem to throw me to the ground unexpectedly.

Like this moment.
I like purses.
I like purses like some people like shoes.
I don't spend a lot of money on purses though. Top range is $20 and I really have to love it.
(Yes I'm going somewhere with this)
So I had to do some shopping and cut across the store in the normal hurry I have become used to when I thought, slow down. There's no rush. So I was in the purse section and stopped to look around.
I found a purse I liked, a color I didn't have, and on sale! I opened the pockets and thoroughly checked it over for size, when the reality hit me. I no longer had to buy a purse based on it's size.
I've always carried a larger one to accommodate things my husband may have needed while we were out.
Realizing this was very emotional for me.
Another small thing that seemed big.
Another change.
I bought the larger purse anyway.

In some ways I feel like the purse, from the outside you would never know it was empty and void.
But on the inside, I still have that hollow feeling.
Still waiting for the Lord to fill me.