Sleep. I don't seem to have a problem sleeping. I'm always tired it seems.
The problem I do seem to be experiencing is my bedroom.
"I don't wanna go to bed!"
I'm having a difficult time going to my room to sleep.
It's as though I must force myself to go in there unless I'm so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open any longer.
In the pitch dark I find myself not wanting to turn on the light for fear of disturbing...no one. I turn on the light.
There are also times I MAKE myself go to my room. But I wind up turning on the TV to watch a DVRd show. In my mind can hear my husband ask me, "Are any of our singing shows on?"
The dogs tuck me in , each one picks a side of me and lies close.
I lay there and before I drift off, I say, "Goodnight, Honey. I love you" but only the silence responds.
At times I am overwhelmed by the finality of it all.
I cry myself to sleep.
Sleep comes, but rest does not.
I toss and turn all night.
By morning the bed covers are in total disarray. My hair matches.
Gone seem to be the nights of peaceful sleep.
I dream. Most of the time I don't remember about what.
Sometimes I dream about my husband.
He doesn't have Lewy Body Dementia in my dreams, but he always needs my help for something.
I, too, say goodnight to,my husband each night. I am amazed at the similarities of so many of us who have lost our husbands. I am 3 months into widowhood and am still having some,of the same feelings. I am told they will pass and some days are better than others. I am still waiting for the peace and joy to return. In the meantime I try to,stay busy, meditate, pray, and love myself.
ReplyDeleteHi Pam,
DeleteI'm sad that you have too walk this journey and although I know in my mind I am not walking alone, it feels like a very lonely road.
I appreciate you reading my babbling and reaching out.
Kathy
Hi Kathy, I too lost my husband ot Lewy Body Feb 5th, it is very lonely. I try to keep busy but everything in this house is about my husband. There was so much to get done after his passing I was over thinking everything, it seemed too much. This week has seemed a bit better. Thinking of you and like reading your comments. So so many similarities.Lorna
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