That was that.
Over, finished, the end.
After kissing my husband several times, I walked out of the room on a very cold day. The funeral director handed me a booklet for remembrances. It was white.
Someone taped a picture of a dove on the room door.
Outside the room was the bed with the baby blue body cover on it. I ran my hand over it as I passed by. It was soft.
Accompanied by my youngest daughter we walked through double doors into an empty lobby to the parking lot. I stopped to find my car keys and put on my coat. I threw the book across the room.
I started my trip home and got stopped at a red light. I had a moment of pure pain that resulted in screaming.
For a moment I couldn't depress the accelerator and I wanted so badly for the guy behind me to honk at me. I wanted to get out of my car and kick his. I was hurting and I wanted someone else to hurt too. But it didn't happen, I drove home.
I prayed for the peace I had been experiencing to continue.
The radio was on.
I made 2 stops. A family friend I promised to keep contacted and the post office. Mail hadn't been checked in over 2 weeks.
I finished the journey home.
Overcast, grey, cold, ice storms earlier in the week, threats of snow lingering about, dreary, yet as I rounded a curve to top the final hill, in the distance was a clearing of clouds and bright blue skies. Peace.
The day came to an end. I needed a shower but part of me still smelled like my husband. I wouldn't wash it off. I cried myself to sleep once I hit the bed but I slept.
No comments:
Post a Comment